Car Washes and Open Windows Don't Mix!

I want to share a story with you today. Here's hoping it will help all you ladies learn how to communicate with your man. Actually, I guess the truth is....this isn't really how to communicate with him. Forget it. Men just won't listen to us. I think it must be written in the man code. Something like that. Trying to convince him that what he is about to do, is a very foolish thing and he best listen to you, is going to go right in one ear and out the other.You know it is! So truly what this story is about is learning how not to wet yourself while laughing at your man.

My late husband Doug was a car fanatic. Drove me nuts. If he wasn't buying and selling cars, he was cleaning and polishing them. It was nice to have a clean car. At times it just wasn't practical to worry about if the vehicle was shiny bright or not.

One such day we were on our way to take care of some business with only a short amount of time to get to our destination before they closed. A hand car wash would have taken too much time but Doug said he couldn't stand driving around town in such a filthy car. Filth? Seeing only a light layer of dirt I asked "Please, can't we forget it for now? We don't have much time." "No, we'll just go through this car wash here real quick," Doug answered while pulling into the local automatic car wash. Unbelieving I asked him "What about the driver's window that got stuck down last night? We haven't gotten that fixed yet."

Knowing my husband was the Mr. Macho in Macho land, I was sure by presenting him with perfect reasoning, he'd realize it would be foolish to go through the automatic car wash. It would give him a way to save face and he'd change his mind. I was pretty young when this happened. So I ask you to please excuse my naivete.

Doug turned around and looked into the back seat of the car. I saw a gleam of victory flash in his eyes. Then his face split with a big, mischievous grin and he grabbed a clean towel out of the laundry basket sitting there. With what was nearly a shout, he cheerfully told me, "This will work! I'll just hold the towel up to the window and go on through." "LET ME OUT OF THIS CAR!" I screeched. "You nut! That is not going to work." Now with a look of grim determination, he grumbled "Want to bet? It will, just you wait and see."

At his elbow the car wash attendant was looking at Doug questioningly. His quizzical look really increased as I laughingly got out of the car, wishing my foolish man good luck. When Douglas told the attendant his plan and assured him it would go okay, I saw the man code at work again. Now if a woman had told this guy what Doug had, he would have told her, "M'am, no way will that work." Man to man? Nah, he wasn't saying a thing.

By now, I was standing behind the glass in the viewing area watching our car, with Doug at the window holding up a bath towel, slowly entering the car wash. All was going well the first few seconds as the high pressure water blasted the car. The towel stayed mostly in place kind of with a stream getting past the towel catching Doug square in the face. Looking shocked yet still giving me his smug 'I'm a man, and know what I'm doing here little woman!" look, things very quickly went downhill for him from there.

Next as the washing roller brushes began their journey down the car, they were whirling and spinning at dizzying speeds. With one brush on top of the hood of the car, and one marching down each side, I watched as the brush reached the open driver's window. That towel spun out of his hands in an instant! With hot water spraying in on him and soapy brushes slapping away, all my foolish husband could do, was sit there and...you guessed it! Take it like a man! Seeing that he was okay I began howling with laughter. Knee slapping, air sucking laughter. I tried to stop. I really did. After all I did love this man, very much, and knew all about his male pride. Even so, there was no way could I hold the laughter back as it continued gleefully pouring out of my mouth. It seemed like it was coming all the way from the tips of my toes.

Continuing to watch the car's progress, each indignity my honey was enduring made me laugh even harder. There were more brushes, and cloth like soapy strips slapping back and forth, back and forth, slapping through the window and adding more soap to Doug's hair. Time to rinse! More blasts of clean water rinsing away the soap, from the car and Doug both. Having payed extra for the spray wax probably didn't seem like such a great idea to him at about that time.

By now I had gone around to the very front of the car wash wanting to see my sweetie as the car exited and moved toward me. I was laughing so hard my sides hurt and any pretense of not laughing had been given up long ago. I'd already nearly wet myself from having such hysterical fun. As the car emerged, with one last loud burst of drying air, my man and his foolish ideas had finally made it through!

My husband's grinning face sent me over the edge as his hand rested on the steering wheel giving me a one fingered gesture. I had to cross my legs, squeeze them tight and drop to my knees as the laughter just rolled out of me. One soaking wet person was enough in our family! No I can't really teach you how to communicate with your man, but next time you are laughing at something foolish your guy does, just remember to cross your legs and squeeze tight!